Anxiety

Panda Girl has been experiencing separation anxiety. Her experience has been very different than Sweet Pea's. Sweet Pea would struggle from the time I left her until I picked her back up. Panda Girl has a harder time with the anticipation of being left. From what I have been told, she is perfectly happy once I am actually gone. However, during the times when she is sure we are going to leave her, she is a handful. She cries and clings and fusses. Often she misses out on fun things during these moments. She could be playing with her grandparents. She could be "reading" a book. She could be enjoying a happy mommy instead of a stressed out one.

I can't even count the number of times the anticipation of something bad happening was worse than the actual event. An example: My labor with Panda Girl. Labor with Sweet Pea was much more complicated than any of us had anticipated. She was "sunny-side up". Thus there was back labor and an effort to make her roll over. She did eventually roll. However, then she was in distress. Thankfully I was able to deliver her quickly, making the impending c-section unnecessary. Thus, when faced with Panda Girl's birth, I was terrified. Clearly Sweet Pea had been worth the trauma, but that did not mean her birth was something I wanted to relive. Panda Girl's entrance into the world was remarkably uneventful. Other than being large (with an inordinately huge head), there were no surprises. It was straightforward and easy (once the epidural took effect). In no way had it been worth all the worrying that had preceded it.

So often I fear the unknown. Or, I have enough knowledge to make me think I can anticipate an outcome. How often are my fears actually realized? Very rarely. So why do I get myself all worked up over nothing? I suppose Panda Girl is just like me. It is amazing how easy it is to see this personality quirk in her, but how difficult it is to see in myself. Here's hoping she can teach me how to let go and live in the current moment. I don't want to miss the good stuff right before my eyes while anticipating something that will probably never come to fruition.