The Patience of Mrs. Sparkle Nose

The little ladies love Sesame Street.  Panda Girl is a huge fan of Elmo.  I don't think I have ever met a two year old who did not love Elmo, so she is right on schedule.  Sweet Pea, however, loves the "Abbie's Flying Fairy School" segment.  It is a new segment this year and it is adorable.  What really struck me while watching the new vignette was Mrs. Sparkle Nose.  I have decided I want to be just like her.  She is calm.  She is patient.  She takes advantage of every teachable moment presented to her.  When the fairies get into less than desirable predicaments, she calmly encourages them to use their problem solving skills to find an appropriate solution.  If they get stuck, she gently guides them into the next steps. 

Panda Girl has officially hit the "terrible twos". One day she is an angel, the sweet little self I have adored for almost two years. Then she can turn on a dime. Suddenly she is wailing and dramatically throwing herself to the floor. Then we have the time out action sequence. Yesterday it took four timeouts for her to calm herself down. All that before I had finished my first cup of coffee. Needless to say, it was enough to push my patience in ways I didn't know possible.
I have always struggled with patience.  However, I always assumed that I would have it in abundance for my own children (those fictitious children that don't really require much patience).  While I always understood that certain careers, like teaching, were not suited to my temperament, it never really bothered me.  I considered it a victory if I waited calmly in line behind an especially slow and annoying shopper.  Clearly I had no idea what was in store for my future.  I now understand that all kids require mounds of patience from their parents.  Husband has not struggled in this area.  He is too patient at times, allowing the little ladies to take advantage of his generous spirit. 

I, on the other hand, can expect way too much from my little girls.  I sometimes take their age appropriate behavior personally.  Lucky for Panda Girl, Sweet Pea has taught me much about what is "normal" at each stage.  She is not having to live up to the unreasonable expectations I placed on Sweet Pea.  I suppose all of us first children have that same issue.  Research tells us that is why most high achievers (presidents, ceo's, etc) are either first or only children.  We are taught early to expect much from ourselves and, by extension, others.  If only we could all have the patience and understanding of Mrs. Sparkle Nose!

Depression vs. Relationships

I have tried to be honest about my experiences with depression.  I don't mind people asking me questions.  I welcome questions because it shows the other person is concerned.  I realize my forthrightness can make some people uncomfortable.  While discomfort is never my goal, I don't try to glaze over my struggles for the sake of someone else's comfort level.  That would not be honest of me.  Honesty is a high priority since it was so lacking for so long in my life.  I do not want to go back to that awful place again.  Staying honest with myself and those around me is one way I can stay accountable. 

Depression always takes a toll on relationships.  Withdrawal is a huge symptom for many, including myself.  Many people do not realize how difficult it is to be a friend during depression.  I struggled to leave my house.  I just wanted to sit on the couch or sleep.  Then, I would be critical of myself.  I would berate myself for my laziness.  However, I was also exhausted.  I could not get enough sleep.  I could have slept for 12 hours a day and still been tired.  All this made reaching out impossible for me.  I could not even talk to Husband about everything.  There was no way I was going to admit my inadequacies to people who were not required by law to listen to my whining.  Sadly, there were very few who reached out to me.  Some friends had no idea I was struggling.  I was able to put on a happy face when in a social situation.  Some friends knew and withdrew for their own reasons.  Still others had their own huge struggles.

Looking back I learned whom I could trust.  I learned that there is no person that can fill all my needs.  I expected Husband to come to my rescue.  Others disappointed me by not solving all my problems for me.  I finally woke up and realized that only God can meet my needs.  Husband is only human.  My friends are flawed and have their own very busy lives.  I still love them all, I just view our relationships a bit differently.  I believe I was allowed to struggle in order to bring me back into the fold.  I needed my world rocked in a profound way in order to learn to rely only on Him.  He is the one I want to take care of me.  Now I am ready to let Him. 

Call it what it is - parenting!

Why do some women call their husbands babysitters?  I understand that we are our children's primary caretakers.  Trust me, I get it.  However, if the father of your children is giving you a break to go out and have some fun, sans children, why is it sometimes called babysitting?  Do these fathers usually have no responsibilities where the kids are concerned?  I realize that fifty years ago many fathers left all child-rearing to the mothers.  However, haven't we gone beyond that stage in this day and age?  Aren't our husbands simply parenting our kids when we go to a movie for a few hours? 

Sorry to rant, but this has been bothering me lately.  Husband and I share parenting responsibilities.  While I may manage the day to day home, he is out providing what we need.  Those roles are both important.  So, to those women who ask their husbands to babysit, please stop.  Ask them if they are busy, if they have important plans.  If the answer is no, then tell them you are heading out while they parent the kids alone for a few hours.  Then leave the house.  Do not feel guilty.  Do not call 200 times.  Enjoy yourself girlfriend, I guarantee you have earned it.