Meet The Teacher Day!

What an exciting day the little ladies had today!  They got to go meet their teachers at school.  Sweet Pea is lucky enough to have a sweet teacher she has loved in the past, so that reunion was adorable.  The two new-to-sweet-pea teachers seem lovely too.  Panda Girl has two fun teachers this year too.  One has a son in Sweet Pea's class, so we already know and love her. The other seems sweet and fun too.  Once we got home I started reviewing our schedule for the upcoming school year.  I must say, I was a bit overwhelmed.  Between school, MOPS, Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy and after school activities like gymboree, we are going to be kept very busy.  I prefer to be busy.  I seem to be happiest when I don't have too much free time on my hands.  However, I don't want to over schedule any of us either.  I suppose we will just have to wade in and see what happens.

MIA

Has it really been almost 2 months since I last posted?  How is that possible?  Clearly summer has not turned out to be the quiet and relaxing season I had imagined during the spring.  There have been visits to the lake.  We have been thrilled to host family members we do not often see.  There has even been a weekend away without the little ladies (can I get an AMEN!).  There have been movies to watch and surgeries to attend.  I would love to say that the blogging drought is going to be cured for the rest of the summer.  However, that is not in the cards.  In the next six weeks I am taking two week long trips and one very long weekend away.  Thus, it will continue to be spotty.  However, when I am here I will do a better job with my updates.

I have read so many books lately, I do not know where to begin.  Hopefully tomorrow I can choose one to review for you.  Most have been good reads.  I have even had some variety in my choices.  Of course I have read some interesting fiction, but I have also read a book about eating well to manage hormone levels.  More on all of that tomorrow, hopefully. 

This has been a summer of contrasts.  The temperatures have been blisteringly hot, but the weather has been amazingly wet as well.  Old friends from far away have moved to town while more and more local friends have moved away.  I have been working very diligently to improve the overall health of the family.  We have started eating healthier by embracing organic foods and shunning processed junk.  However, I am currently battling my second case of strep throat.  We have not paid a babysitter all summer, yet we did get out for our 9th anniversary and enjoy a weekend with friends (sans kiddos).  I am constantly amazed by the amount of life we have in our home.  While some of that life is due to the two doggies and four fish, it is mostly the product of two adorable little ladies who embrace each moment to the fullest.  However, on Saturday morning we are driving 1100 miles for a family funeral (more discussion on that later).
One of the highlights of the summer has been Mother's Day Out.  Panda Girl has been attending MDO at this location all year, but it was new for Sweet Pea.  I was unsure how well she would adjust.  It turns out I had no reason to worry.  As usual, she adapted easily and happily.  I have been blessed to be able to take them somewhere fun while I get a break two days a week.  It makes me a better mom to be able to run errands and exercise and just sit on the couch and read without the constant interruptions small children bring with them.  MDO has kept my sanity intact and my children well cared for and well loved. 

On Saturday morning, very early, the little ladies and I are joining my mother and sister on a two day road trip to visit family.  I have a great uncle who recently passed of Alzheimer's disease.  It has been a long and difficult road for the whole family.  Thus, I am thankful he has been taken home where he can be free of the burden of such an insidious disease.  I have been wanting to take the little ladies to visit family for over a year.  However, we have been waiting for this funeral so we could see as many family members as possible at one time.  Thus, the long car trip. 

I am not a road trip person.  Typically after about four or five hours, I turn into a pumpkin.  I get grumpy and snippy.  My children have never spent more than a couple of hours in the car at one time.  It seems I am asking for trouble with this decision.  However, I have spent time in prayer over this and I can't get the idea of driving out of my head.  Each time I consider flying I get a really bad feeling.  I have no idea why I am feeling led to drive, but I do not want to ignore what I am being told.  So please keep me in your prayers on Saturday and Sunday as we undertake this crazy adventure.

She Smelled of Summer

Husband took the little ladies up to visit his parents this morning.  Those grandparents have a pool and a swing set, so the girls love going to play.  I love having them leave to get some quiet time to myself in my own home.  This week I had been trying to make a nap mat for Panda Girl.  She is growing up and needs one for mother's day out.  Today was my perfect opportunity to finish it up.   I was amazed at how quickly I can complete a project when there are no little hands wanting to help (read: drive me crazy while using a machine I do not have complete confidence in using).  It turned out really cute.  She wanted nothing to do with it, but Sweet Pea has had fun playing school with it all afternoon. 

The girls got home after I had finished (hallelujah) and just in time for their naps.  As I was putting Panda Girl in her crib I took a big whiff of her.  She smelled of summer: that intoxicating mix of sunscreen, sweat and chlorine.  On me it smells awful, but on her it smelled magical.  I hugged her extra close and took one more deep breath.  How I love that smell.

As Gretchen Rubin says in her book, The Happiness Project, the days are long but the years are short.  That hit me hard today.  In the near future I won't have toddlers vying for my attention all the time.  They won't be asking to help constantly.  That amazing smell of summer will be replaced by smelly adolescent stench.  While I truly needed and enjoyed my break today, I am aware that this time in their lives is fleeting.  I am thankful I was able to appreciate my sweet little girls today. 

Health and Education

Today I took Panda Girl to the pediatrician.  Today's appointment was to recheck her ears.  Two weeks ago I had hauled a feverish fussy toddler into the office at the end of the day.  As I had thought, she had an ear infection.  Her ear tubes had dislodged a couple of weeks prior to that day, so I had been expecting an infection to take hold.  Today, when Dr. Alex peered into her ears, he was displeased.  After one round of oral antibiotics, she still had an infection.  He gave me two choices: another round of oral antibiotics (which he warned was very unlikely to work) or a series of two shots (administered today and tomorrow).  I dislike shots as much as the next mommy, but I really want this infection gone, so I opted for option two.  He also suggested I put in a call to my trusty ENT to get her in for another set of ear tubes.  She is clearly a child who requires them. 

Earlier this week I wrote our family's first letter to our new Compassion child.  She lives in Honduras.  We chose her because she has the same birthday as Sweet Pea. In her picture she looks small and slightly neglected, which I am certain was the aim of using that particular photo.  She lives with her mom and grandfather.  Neither of the adults she lives with are regularly employed.  We showed Sweet Pea her picture and asked her if there was anything she wanted to know about this little girl.  After being disappointed that this child could not come to her birthday party, she asked the questions I had assumed were coming: What is her favorite food?  What is her favorite animal?  What is her favorite color? 

Today it occurred to me how lucky we are to be able to give Panda Girl the care she needs for her troublesome ears.  There are so many places where she would probably end up with hearing loss due to repeated infections.  She would struggle to speak.  She would have difficulty in school resulting from her lack of language skills and hearing loss.  Panda Girl is my very bright child.  Sweet Pea is smart: asks why incessantly, has a killer memory and is highly observant.  Panda Girl, however, is in a league of her own.  Her father is a Mensa member, and I have no doubt she will end up like him some day.  It breaks my heart to think about how many gifted children there are in the world who can't reach thier incredible potential due to a minor issue that can easily be cured with modern medicine.  Imagine the problems those children could solve for all of us regular joes if given the chance to fulfill their promise. 

While I don't think the little Honduran girl we are sponsoring is a genius, I hope she can grow up to become educated.  I hope she can educate her future family.  We partly chose a girl to sponsor because educated girls beget educated families.  Girls pass on their knowledge to their children.  Hopefully we can help end a familial cycle of poverty.

Change

Tomorrow is Sweet Pea's last day of preschool before it lets out for the summer.  Instead of being excited to leave school behind, she is deeply disappointed.  She loves her "red ladybug" classroom and all her friends.  She adores her teachers, especially Miss Kelly.  I have explained to her that she will get to be in a new class in the fall.  She will get to be a "star" (aka Pre-K).  This concept of moving up grades is totally lost on her.  This is her first experience with it and she is unhappy about it.  If it was up to her she would stay a red ladybug with Miss Kelly and her current class forever. 

Last night as I was attempting to explain all of this moving up business to her, Sweet Pea started to cry.  I hugged her and told her that I understand.  We all have times in life when we don't want to face change.  I was loathe to graduate from college.  I absolutely loved my time at Texas A&M.  When I graduated I was leaving behind my (future) husband, my sister, and my sense of self.  I understood my place in the world in college.  I had no idea who I would be once I graduated.  I longed to stay, but I had to go. 

I would love to say I handled the adjustment with grace and ease.  Sadly, that was not the case.  I was lonely.  I (know now that I) was depressed.  I understood at some level that I needed to mix things up, that I was unhappy.  Some people eat (I did plenty of that: cookie dough out of the tube was my poison).  Some people drink (not really my coping mechanism).  Others find a hobby.  I tend toward this latter group.  I got a puppy.  I consulted no one.  I up and bought a dog one day after work.  While it was very impulsive, getting Ally was an inspired decision.  She has exceeded every expectation I have ever set for her.  She is sweet.  She is good with kids.  She is adorable.  For a brief period, she was my sanity.  She is my Miss Kelly.

Allowing her to be her

Today was Sweet Pea's first official dance recital. She had been looking forward to today for weeks.  It wasn't that she was thrilled to show us what she had learned or that she is a born performer.  Her excitement was due to the costume.  She wanted to put on that frilly pink tutu/dress thing.  She wanted to be allowed to wear makeup.  She wanted to look extra pretty.  In case we were wondering, I think we officially have a girly girl on our hands. 

Husband and my date this week was the first time in a while I had taken the opportunity to dress up.  When I was sick I did not have the energy.  I felt like I had accomplished something when I put on anything I would not wear to the gym.  In general I enjoy dressing up.  There were entire years in elementary school where I wore dresses every day.  Thankfully my mom was happy dressing me as the prissy little girl.  I would have hated her to try to change that about me.

Sweet Pea has always been highly energetic.  She prefers to play with the boys because they play more active games.  She would much rather play a rousing game of chase than sit and color.  I don't really understand that desire in her, but I respect it.  This is why I am often surprised when Sweet Pea wants to dress so girly.  It seems in opposition to her personality.  Girls who enjoy active games should like to dress as a tomboy would dress, in my own head.  Clearly my expectations are inappropriate.  Who says she can't run around the playground with the boys while looking like an adorable little girl?  I think she has found the best of both worlds.  Unfortunately, I worry that this dichotomy will backfire when she hits high school.  I suppose we will just deal with the fallout then.  I refuse to make her dress down when she wants to dress up.  I will do her the same favor my mom did me: allow her to express herself with her attire (as long as it is not inappropriate).  I am certain we will have wars in her teen years around the definition of appropriate.  For now, I am going to enjoy the cute dresses while I can.

Sharing

I feel as if I spend half of my time reminding the little ladies to share.  Many mornings I am tempted to don a black and white striped jersey to make my job as referee official.  Panda Girl, as a second child, is a sharing champion.  There are very few things she objects to sharing with Sweet Pea.  Sweet Pea, on the other hand, is a true first child.  She wants to share nothing with her little sister.  Nothing.  Sadly, this behavior is payback from my own childhood. I too was a true first child in this regard. 

I live with a pack rat.  As a reformed pack rat myself, I understand the internal dialog Husband has regarding his stuff: "What if I need it some day?" or "I may be able to fix this." or "The girls could play with this.".  Living with Husband has cured my need to keep things.  I have learned to let go of any emotional attachment I have to a particular candy dish or an unworn sweater.  It has been liberating to be able to shed our stuff. 

This weekend we had a garage sale.  Several items were sold and we made some real money.  I had multiple huge bags of baby clothes.  Husband and I have already decided that two little ladies are plenty of kiddos for us.  Therefore, it was time to let go of the adorable newborn sleepers my girls wore as babies.  I took out one outfit I really liked from each of them and put the rest out for sale.  Several items did sell, however we still had bags upon bags remaining in our yard at the end of the day.  I was very temped to rifle through those bags and take out a few more choice pieces.  However, I knew where that path would lead: putting all of it back up in the attic to collect dust.  So, before I could change my mind I loaded up the minivan and took it all down the street to the local crisis pregnancy center.

The car was full to overflowing with baby clothes, maternity clothes, blankets, diaper bags, etc.  I wanted those items to be put to good use.  So I chose the pregnancy center.  They counsel women to have their babies and either keep them or put them up for adoption.  They do not advocate or give referrals for abortions.  Since their philosophy fits nicely with my own, I felt comfortable donating our old things to them.  To say the workers were shocked at the volume of stuff I was donating is an understatement.  I was almost ashamed at how much our girls had at an age where they could not possibly appreciate it all.  However, putting that aside it is great to know there are women in need who will benefit from my overspending.  I truly hope they enjoy some of the adorable outfits my girls hardly wore. 

See, there is hope.  First children can learn to share after all.

Wow, that was rough

I ended my evening by eating gluten-free cookies and drinking dessert wine.  It was wonderful to veg on the couch in front of the television accompanied by my two favorite vices: cookies and wine.  Sadly, the gluten-free cookies I made out of the box were disappointing.  Luckily wine is gluten-free so at least one of my favorite things is staying the same.  I have not had a need for a night like this for a while.  Grated, it was tough when I was in pain. However, I had narcotics to bring me some relief.  Thus, the gluttonous evenings were averted.  However, tonight my pain is more emotional, which makes it much more difficult assuage. 

We had Panda Girl's well child visit today.  Normally these are relatively uneventful trips to the doctor.  Dr. Alex asked me if I had any concerns.  I mentioned that Panda Girl is still needing her reflux meds twice a day.  We have tried taking her off of them several times in her short life, but have never been successful.  She is always miserable off the meds, thus making her parents miserable in the process.  Most children outgrow reflux by about six months of age.  Sweet Pea was about fourteen months when she was finally able to be taken off her medication.  So, I had not been worried until recently. 

Dr. Alex agreed that mine was a valid concern.  He had a couple suggestions of tests we had not run on her yet.  He wanted to do a blood test for food allergies and celiac.  I almost fell out of my chair in that moment.  I had not yet mentioned my current gluten-free status.  I sat there staring at him for a moment.  Then I pulled it together and mentioned my recent issues.  Then he stunned me: our pediatrician has celiac disease.  He went  on to suggest the best brands of foods and the most gluten-friendly restaurants he had found in his two years of living with his diagnosis.  He also assured me it was well worth the sacrifice because he feels much better.  I was relieved to find someone I know and trust with my disease.  While I am not close friends with this man, I do feel that if I had any questions he would be more than happy to answer them for me.  I do not believe in coincidences, so I feel blessed that God guided me to him over four years ago when we were searching for a doctor for Sweet Pea. 

After more discussion around Panda Girl's development, he sent me off to get blood work done on both girls (he recommended testing Sweet Pea for celiac as well).  It wasn't until the nurses called us into a separate room from the in-house lab that I realized this was going to be much harder than I expected.  They needed to collect at least one full vial of blood from each little lady.  Not fun.  I had Sweet Pea go first because I thought she would be better able to calm down quickly after the trauma.  The nurses found her vein quickly and we had her off the table and away from the offending needle in record time.  She calmed down pretty quickly, but she is Sweet Pea so she was dramatic about the whole situation.  At that point I hoped the worst was over.  Oh was I wrong.

I picked up a worried Panda Girl and placed her on the table.  She started to cry, but she did lie down for me.  The nurses then proceeded to search for a vein they could use.  They had no luck with the right arm.  They suggested trying the left arm instead.  So we proceeded with the left arm.  Sadly Panda Girl is tiny and her veins like to be "slippery".  Apparently slippery means we had to torture Panda Girl to get any blood from her.  She never flinched.  She stayed still.  She cried, but she was amazingly brave as the nurse dug around in her arm for that evasive vein.  In the end we hoped we got enough blood.  We may have to go back, but I didn't want to traumatize her any more than necessary.  We went back to the lab where she did have to have a needle stick to have a CBC, but it was over quickly and she was proudly carrying around her lollipop when we left. 

At home I treated the little ladies to a lunch of greek yogurt with chocolate chips added as a fun treat.  I also spoiled them with some chocolate milk.  After they were in bed for their naps my phone rang.  The nurse at Dr Alex's office needed the phone number of the pharmacy I use.  Evidently, Panda Girl is anemic.  Sigh.  Fantastic.  Now in addition to her twice daily prevacid doses, she needs iron supplementation.  We will start that tomorrow.  Poor baby.

Since Panda Girl needed so much attention today, Sweet Pea threw several temper tantrums and refused to go to bed tonight.  Thus, by the end of the day I was done.  I could barely look at Sweet Pea without wanting to yell at her and I could barely look at Panda Girl without wanting to cry.  Therefore, in lieu of the yelling and the crying I chose wine and cookies.  While not the best choice for my waistline, it was the best choice for my psyche.

Pondering Panda Girl

Today I am recuperating from my upper endoscopy and trying to start eating gluten-free.  My goal today was to be productive, but not have to exert too much.  I looked at my desk, leaden with paperwork, and saw the preschool enrollment forms I have been ignoring.  I decided today was the perfect opportunity to conquer the mountain.  I signed all the requisite safety forms.  Filled out the directory information for both little ladies.  Then I got to the questionnaire asking specific information about each little lady.  It is extensive.  I filled it out last year for Sweet Pea.  Thus I had spent time last year pondering the intricacies of her personality.  I had explored her idiosyncrasies and dutifully written copious explanations regarding her unique traits.  So, this year I simply filled it out in a similar way with just a few changes based on the ways she has matured.  For example, this year I added Sweet Pea's preference to play with the boys.  I also made sure to emphasize the fact that she will not eat well while at school.  This particular quirk caused her current teachers some concern and I don't want her new teachers to worry about her going hungry. 

However, I had never analyzed Panda Girl in the ways I pondered my first born.  I suppose that is the way we all are with our later children.  Who has the time to spend pouring over every little detail of a second child?  We are too busy keeping her and her older sister alive to have a spare moment for such a luxury.  Today, however, it was necessary that I turn all my focus onto Panda Girl and think about her special little self.  At first the only way I thought to describe her was as happy and easy going.  While these are true statements about her, certainly I could come up with something more insightful?  I thought about how she spends her time.  She loves to dance.  She loves to read.  She learns amazingly fast.  I realized I have a concern about school: I am concerned that she will not get the attention she deserves at school.  She is so happy and so easy I fear she will fade into the background.  Teachers seem to be consumed by those who are not well disciplined or seem to be the loudest.  I pray Panda Girl will get the attention she needs to continue to learn and grow.

In the past I would not have written this worry down on the form.  I would have brushed it off and told myself that I was being unfair to the teachers.  However, today I realized that since she has yet to start school I am simply writing it as a concern.  At this point my concern is not singling anyone out for not taking proper care of my baby.  I allowed myself to realize that my opinion is valid.  I pray her teachers do not think I have overstepped my boundaries.  I pray they understand I am simply a concerned parent.

I must admit it was fun to think about just Panda Girl for a bit.  She is every bit as important to me as her elder, and louder, sister.  I am in awe of her.  She is amazing and I pray she knows that while she has not had the individual attention her sister has enjoyed she is a blessing from above.

Panda Girl is Two!

Today Panda Girl is two.  She is my delight.  She is a sweet child with a contagious smile.  Panda Girl is the happiest child I have ever known.  We went to visit her Nana at the hospital this summer, and she found a way to have fun.  I had no idea how much excitement a hospital chair contained until that day.  She brings more laughter and smiles to our faces than I knew possible.  We are blessed to have her in our home every day.  Panda Girl is incredibly coordinated. She has amazing motor skills. She loves it when we read to her. She taught herself the alphabet. She is bright and sweet.

Her favorite things are, of course, pandas.  Today she got a new stuffed panda, a panda necklace and a panda shirt.  She was thrilled with them all.  She also loves Sesame Street.  She was thrilled with her new Abby, Zoe, Grovers, Cookie Monster, and Big Bird.  She loves chocolate and pizza.  She loves to color and paint.  Her favorite part of the day is bath time.  Sweet Pea is her best friend.  Panda Girl copies her every move, parrots her every word. 

I pray she continues to love us the way she does now.  I will always continue to love her more and more.  She will always bring me joy.  She will always be my baby. 

The Patience of Mrs. Sparkle Nose

The little ladies love Sesame Street.  Panda Girl is a huge fan of Elmo.  I don't think I have ever met a two year old who did not love Elmo, so she is right on schedule.  Sweet Pea, however, loves the "Abbie's Flying Fairy School" segment.  It is a new segment this year and it is adorable.  What really struck me while watching the new vignette was Mrs. Sparkle Nose.  I have decided I want to be just like her.  She is calm.  She is patient.  She takes advantage of every teachable moment presented to her.  When the fairies get into less than desirable predicaments, she calmly encourages them to use their problem solving skills to find an appropriate solution.  If they get stuck, she gently guides them into the next steps. 

Panda Girl has officially hit the "terrible twos". One day she is an angel, the sweet little self I have adored for almost two years. Then she can turn on a dime. Suddenly she is wailing and dramatically throwing herself to the floor. Then we have the time out action sequence. Yesterday it took four timeouts for her to calm herself down. All that before I had finished my first cup of coffee. Needless to say, it was enough to push my patience in ways I didn't know possible.
I have always struggled with patience.  However, I always assumed that I would have it in abundance for my own children (those fictitious children that don't really require much patience).  While I always understood that certain careers, like teaching, were not suited to my temperament, it never really bothered me.  I considered it a victory if I waited calmly in line behind an especially slow and annoying shopper.  Clearly I had no idea what was in store for my future.  I now understand that all kids require mounds of patience from their parents.  Husband has not struggled in this area.  He is too patient at times, allowing the little ladies to take advantage of his generous spirit. 

I, on the other hand, can expect way too much from my little girls.  I sometimes take their age appropriate behavior personally.  Lucky for Panda Girl, Sweet Pea has taught me much about what is "normal" at each stage.  She is not having to live up to the unreasonable expectations I placed on Sweet Pea.  I suppose all of us first children have that same issue.  Research tells us that is why most high achievers (presidents, ceo's, etc) are either first or only children.  We are taught early to expect much from ourselves and, by extension, others.  If only we could all have the patience and understanding of Mrs. Sparkle Nose!

Everyone Loves a Parade, Right?

I have odd children.  They do not love parades.  They actually dislike parades, as was confirmed yesterday.  We attended the annual rodeo parade.  Historically it rains on this parade.  This year was cold, but clear.  Thus, the entire city bundled up and headed downtown to watch the horses, bands and floats.  We were no different.  We arrived promptly at 10, the appointed time of the start of the parade.  Apparently, we were about a half hour late to get a good spot.  So, we threw the little ladies on our shoulders and watched the show.  For about 15 minutes.  Then the girls were done.  Sweet Pea had put herself back into the stroller and Panda Girl was whining.  We had thought this would be a fun activity.  Clearly we were mistaken.

Our lives have changed since the little ladies arrived on the scene.  We have been fortunate to meet many great people with kids the same ages as our girls.  We feel grateful to have people to share in our triumphs and, more importantly, in our defeats.  However, I sometimes miss my other friends.  The friends who do not have children.  We had so much in common five years ago.  Now, very little.  Since my life revolves around the little ladies at this stage, I have a difficult time relating to the issues of office politics.  My heart does not belong to my career.  It belongs to my family.  Not only that, the career aspirations I once held dear have evaporated.  The activities we once enjoyed together can seem pointless, a bit of a waste of time. 

However, I do have friends I truly miss. When I am with them I usually enjoy the company.  Many of them have wonderful stories and are highly entertaining.  The problem comes up when I do not feel free to talk about my little ladies.  I become just a mom, not a the dynamic person of my past.  It is an odd thing to have been where they are now, have some memories of that time, and know they have no way of relating to me.  Some of them want to relate, others wish they could relate, the minority want to forget how different I am now.  They want things to be as they were five years ago. 

I feel as if I am at a parade.  People are having fun all around me.  The people I am with are fun people.  They have not changed.  I have changed.  The flash I see around me is impressive, but it isn't me.  These days I just want to snuggle up to my sweet husband with a glass of wine at the end of the day.  I want to spend time talking to him about our girls.  No one understands them like we do, and I enjoy sharing the experience with him.  To me, that is the most enjoyable activity of all.

Snotty

The little ladies and Husband all have some sort of winter cold.  The kind where you are tired, snotty, cranky, and have a constant sore throat.  Did I mention the snot?  Sweet Pea is mostly able to handle her own snot.  She may need a friendly reminder to use a tissue every now and then, but she is mostly self-sufficient.  Panda Girl is not.  She seems to be covered in a thin layer of snot all the time these days.  With her it is difficult to tell if it is a cold or just teething.  I suppose it does not really matter because the end result is the same: snot.

This morning when Sweet Pea woke up and I was hanging out in her room with her, I started thinking about when she was a baby.  I have no idea what brought on this sudden nostalgia, but I indulged myself.  While she was a difficult baby, she was also adorable.  She loved to jump and move.  Then I realized that she is already four.  She is potty trained.  She can eat by herself.  She can dress herself.  She even knows most of her manners.  She is suddenly interested in learning to read.  It has gone quicker than I imagined possible.

Panda Girl is hitting "that" stage.  She will be two in April.  I have been dreading this stage a bit, but I am realizing she will be very different from her big sister.  Panda Girl has a much higher tolerance for frustration and has more self-control than her sister.  Hopefully this will translate into an "easier" kiddo.  Sweet Pea just about killed me at this stage, so I am hoping Panda Girl will go easy on her mommy.  However, I am being careful not to wish the next two years away. I know they will fly by on their own.  At that point all will be able to handle snot by themselves, except for maybe Husband.

Snow Day!

Sweet Pea attends a fantastic preschool.  They are good about having fun events for the kids: Halloween Parade, Snow Day, Chuck-wagon Lunch Day (with Dads), etc.  Today was Snow Day.  The weather here has been crummy lately, so today was the third scheduled day for this event.  Thankfully today proved to be the perfect day for Snow Day.  It was a sunny and relatively cold day today: we had a high of 50. 

At precisely 10:40 the Red Ladybug and Green Gator classes descended upon the 6x12 ft. patch of snow.  The squeals of delight were priceless.  We live in a place where snow is something that only comes around every few years.  When it does come, it rarely sticks to anything.  Thus, this was a new experience for many of the children.  As with any new experience, the kids had varying reactions.  The texture was unfamiliar.  Kids were slipping and sliding everywhere (typically into mud puddles formed from the rapidly melting mound).  The activity was out of the ordinary.  There were moms everywhere snapping pictures of  their precious progeny.  There were several snow toys - think beach toys adapted for a new use.  However, there were not enough for everyone.  All of this newness was much to handle for a group of three and four year olds.

By 11:05 the festivities were done.  I know, that does not sound like much time to fully explore the snow.  It turns out, it was actually about 5 minutes too many. As the ladybug class lined up to retreat into the warmth of the classroom there was a collective wail.  They were overstimulated.  They were tired.  The mommies were leaving.  I am sure a Snow Day veteran would have expected this to happen.  However, as a rookie I was shocked.  Sweet Pea loves school.  She typically runs into class with nary a backward glance.  However, today was different.  You can call it exhaustion, call it peer pressure, call it over-stimulation.  One thing was abundantly clear: I was not getting out of there without a full meltdown.

Tonight I am going to try something new.   I am going to a knitting class.  Alone.  I have taken random classes in the past, but never alone.  I also rarely show up to something knowing exactly zero about the topic.  I am a quick learner.  However, I also frustrate quite easily.  My family tells me it is because everything has always come easily to me.  Motherhood has been the one, glaring, exception to that rule.  I am curious to find out if I have cultivated more patience for myself.  I know I am now more patient with children than I ever thought possible.  Will I extend that same grace to myself?  If history is any guide, the answer will be no.  However, I am hoping to leave history behind and embrace a new future.  Otherwise, I will not be getting out of there without a full meltdown.

It turns out Sweet Pea only had a partial meltdown.  The blow of Mommy leaving was softened by lots of hugs and kisses and a promise to return in a few hours.  Thankfully, she settled in and had fun the rest of the day.  I am hoping tonight's outing will be just as successful.

The least I can do

Tonight I went and did a service project with my Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group. We made beautiful handmade cards for the children of Ft. Hood to send to their parent who is deployed overseas. We are putting together 120 packets of cards. Each packet has 8 cards plus a postcard for the deployed parent to send back to their child. We are supplying the cards, envelopes and stamps for the children. There is an amazingly talented woman in our group who designed all the cards and has organized the whole thing. We spent last Friday night cutting paper strips, squares and flowers (oh so many flowers) for the cards. The Mother's Day card alone has 12 little card stock flowers. Each of the flowers was die cut by us for all 120 packets. As you can imagine this project has been quite the undertaking. We were unable to finish tonight, so we will meet one more time to get it all done in a couple weeks.

As a whole the women in MOPS are caring, considerate, kind people. I have not met one who does not meet that description. Here is what confuses me: very few came to participate in the service project last week or tonight. We all have kids, husbands, etc. to consider and balance in our lives. We all have other things we could be doing instead of making little homemade cards for people we don't know. However, isn't the point of a service project to give up the time to help others? Is it service if the only other thing we would be doing is nothing? I was dismayed that only about 20% of our group showed up to participate on either night. How are we going to teach our kids to help others if we can't give up one Friday night?

I am not trying to sound critical, I just feel frustrated by the general apathy I see in people sometimes. We don't think about the sacrifices other people make to allow us to live free. We feel entitled to our comfortable lives. I am no better. I often turn the channel if the news gets to "real" for me. I have righteous anger towards those who abuse children, yet I have done nothing about it. In some ways it is all very overwhelming. The world is full of problems, I am just one person. One person who does not even handle her own problems well, I certainly can't be trusted to help anyone else. Then I read about people like Greg Mortenson who builds houses in Pakistan and Afghanistan. I look at my friends and family in the military and realize these people are missing seeing their children grow up so I can sleep well at night. These are the people I find inspiring. They make me want to do good for others. Thus, when the opportunity was placed in front of me, I had to go help. It is truly the least I can do for the children and the parents who miss them.

I hope to pass this desire to serve down to my children. I hope they find value in helping those we don't know or see daily. I hope they understand that sometimes Mommy has to go help others. We have different activities we do to help them see how it can be fun to serve too. How are you passing this important concept on to your children? Do you think it is worthwhile? What do you think?

Overflowing Cup

This afternoon was a bit strange around here. Sweet Pea rarely naps these days, but Panda Girl usually naps consistently. Today Panda Girl threw me for a loop, she hardly slept. I even had to go back into her room after about 30 minutes to remind her to sleep. She was cranky all evening (shocking, I know from an exhausted toddler). I made sure to get her in bed by 7. Sadly, she decided she was not wanting to sleep yet and partied for a good half hour. Thankfully, she got herself to sleep without any further intervention, but the whole situation was so strange.

Often I feel that as soon as I get Sweet Pea or Panda Girl figured out, they change on me. I suppose that is one of the greatest challenges of motherhood. At times these changes are good. Sweet Pea is becoming so sweet and fun and easy these days. She is mostly through the crazy tantrums and difficult toddler behavior. She is easier to enjoy. Panda Girl, on the other hand, is turning into a two year old. My child who always loved to eat is suddenly refusing food she has always loved. These days she only seems to want dried fruit, chocolate milk, water and yogurt. My sweet, easy baby is suddenly screaming through the entire thirty minute grocery store trip because she can't get out of the cart to empty the shelves of all their merchandise. So strange. I suppose I need to get used to all the changes because this is only the beginning.

I feel that I have even changed lately. Today I found myself in a craft store buying supplies to make Sweet Pea's Valentine's cards myself. I am not buying the $2 cards, we are turning it into a project we can enjoy together. A year ago, I didn't even think about the cards until the night before she needed them. So she was stuck with whatever Walgreen's had on clearance the day before Valentine's Day. I suppose this is how I always thought I would handle being a mother. I am glad I am finally able to meet that expectation I had for myself. What is strange is that in order to get here, I needed to focus on myself more. I have realized I can only give from an overflowing cup, not an empty one. I am grateful I can take time to exercise and eat well and visit with friends knowing that all of those activities are actually good for my girls. That realization has given me much more freedom than I had a year ago. With that freedom, I am able to handle Panda Girl's tantrums and enjoy projects with Sweet Pea.

Tomorrow Panda Girl has mother's day out. She is supposed to nap there. I have always had confidence in her ability to sleep there and she has never disappointed me. However, I have no idea what tomorrow will hold for me with her. I do know, however, that at 6:30 a babysitter is coming so Husband and I can go have dinner with friends. That fact will make tomorrow much easier with a potentially cranky Panda Girl.

Obedience

Panda Girl is getting close to that age. That age when tantrums become the norm. That age when her favorite word is "no" (and she is talented at yelling it as loudly as possible). That age where my sweetly (mostly) obedient baby turns into a difficult hot mess of a two year old. She is currently 21 months old. While she does say "no" constantly, she is not too tough yet. I am certain that day is coming and it is coming fast.

While I wish my girls were perfectly obedient, they clearly are not. No one is. Especially me. I know what is healthy and what is not. I understand the choices I make are my responsibility and no one else's. However, I continue to disobey. Why have I this need to rebel? I was never an overtly rebellious kid (smart-mouthed, yes). Of course I broke rules and lied about it from time to time. However, on the balance, I was a good kid. So, why do I find myself being rebellious at 33? Why am I still trying to steal moments of satisfaction at the expense of pure joy? I hate it when I annoy myself!

I suppose I am still a work in progress. I guess at some level I will always be the smart-mouthed teenager. However, that also means that my Panda Girl will always be, at some level, my sweetly obedient baby. For that fact, I am grateful.

Are you sure Sweet Pea is turning 4?

Today is Sweet Pea's birthday. Four years ago today she entered the world and I have never been the same. My labor with her was complicated. She was eight days late. I had to be induced. After she was born, the NICU team rushed her out of the room to suction her to ensure she didn't get a lung infection from the meconium she passed in utero. Soon the neonatalogist was back in the room telling me how pretty my new baby looked. While that was a sweet compliment, I was much more interested in her health. I was a first time mom and I had not even seen my baby yet. He quickly assured me everything was fine. Finally, Husband walked in holding her. He brought her to me and I was in awe of her.

Bringing her into the world was difficult, painful and amazing. She has taught me more than any teacher ever did in school. She has taught me a new way to love. She inspires me to become a better person so that she can live up to her full potential. She is extremely empathetic. She becomes genuinely concerned when anyone is hurt or upset. She loves other kids. She has a way of quickly befriending sweet little boys who fall for those beautiful browns as she bats her lashes. She is busy. She enjoys anything active. She seems to believe that it is crazy to walk when you can run, since running is much more fun. She loves to laugh and be silly. She adores her baby sister. She gets so excited when Panda Girl is willing to play with her. It is enough to warm this mommy's heart. She is affectionate. She loves to hug us and makes sure we hug her often.

I am starting to see that she is an extraordinary individual. I can see her being a wonderful caretaker someday. I have no idea what she will become as an adult. I am very excited to see. However, I can wait. These last four years have flown by too fast. I am still in denial that she is going to be four (I accidentally bought her a candle that had the number three on it). I just hope she knows that I am proud of her and I love her fiercely.

Happy Birthday Sweet Pea!

More than Gifts

The little ladies had a wonderful holiday. Panda Girl received no fewer than six pandas, two of which supposedly make accurate panda sounds. Sweet Pea's favorite items included a tent, a guitar and play horses. I am thankful our girls are lucky enough to receive Christmas presents. However, as a parent the gift receiving is not where I want to place the emphasis. The little ladies need to learn the value of giving. We read books teaching the legends of St. Nicholas and the candy cane. We gave to those less fortunate and talked about how some people do not have homes, food, clothes or toys.

We also want our children to understand the real reason for Christmas. While placing Christmas in December is neither biblical nor factual, it is an important day representing Christ's birth. Until I was a parent I did not fully understand a parent's love. Now that I have the little ladies I have a new appreciation for God's sacrifice. I can't imagine bringing a child into this world knowing he was destined to die so horribly and painfully. Thus, we spent time having a birthday party for Jesus.

I know the little ladies do not fully understand all I have tried to teach them this year. Panda Girl has a long way to go until she can fathom any of this. Sweet Pea is just excited about birthdays. However, I have faith that some day a light will go on inside of them and they will get it.

Some Breathing Room

We have been very busy in our corner of the world. I have been under a tight deadline: have all pre-Christmas preparation (except gift wrapping) completed by December 13. I needed to be organized and have all teacher gifts chosen and ready for the school parties. I needed to have gifts for Savannah's friends ready. I needed to have all family presents purchased. The Christmas cards had to be sent. All long distance packages needed to be posted. It sounds a bit crazy, huh?

I have an Aunt and Uncle who live in the desert. We don't get to see them nearly as much as I would like. Aunt and Uncle never had kids, thus Sister and I are their only "human" children (they do have dog children, if you know what I mean). They have only met Panda Girl once, at 8 weeks old. They have not seen Sweet Pea in two years. My little ladies are their only "grandchildren".

Growing up, Aunt and Uncle were always a fixture in our lives. Most of the time they lived far away from us (we had them living here for about 4 years). We saw them at least once a year. Uncle was always fun. He took us camping. He played mini-golf with us. He went swimming with us. Aunt taught me how to apply make-up. She taught me what colors look nice with my skin tone and hair color. She taught me that you can have a second career late in life when she went back to school for a totally different degree the second time around. I have always felt lucky to be their niece.

So, why the December 13 deadline? Aunt and Uncle came into town today. I wanted my schedule clear to enjoy them during their almost two week visit. Tonight they came over for soup and cornbread and Monday Night Football. It was so fun to see them interacting with my girls. Uncle loves children, especially once they are toddlers. He throws them around. He tickles them. Panda Girl can be a bit leery of new people, but she walked up to him with her arms outstretched within ten minutes of his arrival. Sweet Pea remembered him from two years ago. He made such an impression on a barely two year old girl that she was thrilled to see him tonight. Aunt is not sure what to do with babies, but since the girls are a bit bigger now she had fun watching them. Panda Girl loves to entertain and she found an audience in Aunt.

I realize there will be too much extended family togetherness over the next two weeks. I am confident we will get on each other's nerves. However, I am equally confident that I would not change anything about them*. I love them as they are. I am grateful to have them in my life. I pray they become a large part of my little ladies' lives too.

*I reserve the right to take back this statement at any time in the next two weeks. I also reserve the right to not be reminded of aforementioned statement.