Change

Tomorrow is Sweet Pea's last day of preschool before it lets out for the summer.  Instead of being excited to leave school behind, she is deeply disappointed.  She loves her "red ladybug" classroom and all her friends.  She adores her teachers, especially Miss Kelly.  I have explained to her that she will get to be in a new class in the fall.  She will get to be a "star" (aka Pre-K).  This concept of moving up grades is totally lost on her.  This is her first experience with it and she is unhappy about it.  If it was up to her she would stay a red ladybug with Miss Kelly and her current class forever. 

Last night as I was attempting to explain all of this moving up business to her, Sweet Pea started to cry.  I hugged her and told her that I understand.  We all have times in life when we don't want to face change.  I was loathe to graduate from college.  I absolutely loved my time at Texas A&M.  When I graduated I was leaving behind my (future) husband, my sister, and my sense of self.  I understood my place in the world in college.  I had no idea who I would be once I graduated.  I longed to stay, but I had to go. 

I would love to say I handled the adjustment with grace and ease.  Sadly, that was not the case.  I was lonely.  I (know now that I) was depressed.  I understood at some level that I needed to mix things up, that I was unhappy.  Some people eat (I did plenty of that: cookie dough out of the tube was my poison).  Some people drink (not really my coping mechanism).  Others find a hobby.  I tend toward this latter group.  I got a puppy.  I consulted no one.  I up and bought a dog one day after work.  While it was very impulsive, getting Ally was an inspired decision.  She has exceeded every expectation I have ever set for her.  She is sweet.  She is good with kids.  She is adorable.  For a brief period, she was my sanity.  She is my Miss Kelly.