Unfair

Sweet Pea is learning the idea of fairness these days.  Actually, the concept of unfairness.  Every time I tell her "no" it is met with "Aww, that's not fair".  I think this is an important lesson.  She needs to understand that life is unfair.  Good things don't always happen to good people.  Bad people can go unpunished in our world.  I want her to understand that while little Suzy may be allowed 37 lollipops, as her mom I do not want her teeth to rot.  Thus, it is in her best interest to stick with one.  While Sweet Pea may see this as unfair, as a parent I see this as a matter of health.  Frankly, I don't give a damn (to borrow from one of my favorite books) about what Suzy's mom allows Suzy to do.  It has nothing to do with Sweet Pea.  It has nothing to do with my decisions regarding her and her health. 

Husband's mom is unwell.  I don't really want to go into the details, but she has advanced dementia.  At age 60.  There has never been a situation I have encountered in life that I see as more unfair than this one.  Why should this wife and mother lose her dignity at this young age?   If dementia is horrible in the elderly, it is horrifying for someone this young.  It is difficult for everyone involved.  It would be easy to yell at God and to tell him he is being unfair, and I have.  However, my hope and faith makes me want to believe this is all happening for a reason that is not obvious to me.  Just like Sweet Pea does not understand why I won't allow her to eat in an unhealthy manner, I do not understand why this family is being put through this fire.  It is painful and somewhat frightening (what if this happens to Husband, it is genetic). 

All I know to do is to pray that this serves some higher purpose.  A purpose I do not see since I do not have all the information and understanding that God has and is using in this situation.  I may not understand the why of this situation until I am in heaven.  It may stay one of life's mysteries.  I hope not.  Hopefully I can stay patient and wait on the Lord.  Just like I know Sweet Pea will someday understand why I limited her lollipops, I know someday I will understand this situation clearly.  I will be able to stop thinking about fairness.  However, like Sweet Pea, I am just not there yet. 

On the road again

Today we begin our pilgrimage to the Quad Cities in Illinois.  We are heading up to spend tonight with my parents north of town.  Tomorrow morning we will officially be on the road, bright and early.  Mom and Sister will be with us for the fun.  I have packed up our clothes, which is the easy part. Now I need to spend the afternoon gathering up the other various and sundry items we will use during the next week.  Thus, my mind is churning.  Trying to figure out what is vital for the little ladies and what is just extra stuff.  Clearly we need Panda Girl's pack and play since it will double as her bed.  A panda or two will also make their way into the minivan with Panda Girl's passies (for bedtime only these days).  The DVDs will be coming as well.  I have never been so glad we sprung for the built in DVD player in the van.  I am also going to make sure we all have our pillows, as sleep is very important in our family.  The girls will have their crayons and lacing cards and books.  I will bring my kindle and probably my knitting stuff too.  We have large amounts of snacks for the road too.  I have also ensured the cameras are charged and the memory cards are cleared. 

Are there any things I am missing?  What are your essentials?

MIA

Has it really been almost 2 months since I last posted?  How is that possible?  Clearly summer has not turned out to be the quiet and relaxing season I had imagined during the spring.  There have been visits to the lake.  We have been thrilled to host family members we do not often see.  There has even been a weekend away without the little ladies (can I get an AMEN!).  There have been movies to watch and surgeries to attend.  I would love to say that the blogging drought is going to be cured for the rest of the summer.  However, that is not in the cards.  In the next six weeks I am taking two week long trips and one very long weekend away.  Thus, it will continue to be spotty.  However, when I am here I will do a better job with my updates.

I have read so many books lately, I do not know where to begin.  Hopefully tomorrow I can choose one to review for you.  Most have been good reads.  I have even had some variety in my choices.  Of course I have read some interesting fiction, but I have also read a book about eating well to manage hormone levels.  More on all of that tomorrow, hopefully. 

This has been a summer of contrasts.  The temperatures have been blisteringly hot, but the weather has been amazingly wet as well.  Old friends from far away have moved to town while more and more local friends have moved away.  I have been working very diligently to improve the overall health of the family.  We have started eating healthier by embracing organic foods and shunning processed junk.  However, I am currently battling my second case of strep throat.  We have not paid a babysitter all summer, yet we did get out for our 9th anniversary and enjoy a weekend with friends (sans kiddos).  I am constantly amazed by the amount of life we have in our home.  While some of that life is due to the two doggies and four fish, it is mostly the product of two adorable little ladies who embrace each moment to the fullest.  However, on Saturday morning we are driving 1100 miles for a family funeral (more discussion on that later).
One of the highlights of the summer has been Mother's Day Out.  Panda Girl has been attending MDO at this location all year, but it was new for Sweet Pea.  I was unsure how well she would adjust.  It turns out I had no reason to worry.  As usual, she adapted easily and happily.  I have been blessed to be able to take them somewhere fun while I get a break two days a week.  It makes me a better mom to be able to run errands and exercise and just sit on the couch and read without the constant interruptions small children bring with them.  MDO has kept my sanity intact and my children well cared for and well loved. 

On Saturday morning, very early, the little ladies and I are joining my mother and sister on a two day road trip to visit family.  I have a great uncle who recently passed of Alzheimer's disease.  It has been a long and difficult road for the whole family.  Thus, I am thankful he has been taken home where he can be free of the burden of such an insidious disease.  I have been wanting to take the little ladies to visit family for over a year.  However, we have been waiting for this funeral so we could see as many family members as possible at one time.  Thus, the long car trip. 

I am not a road trip person.  Typically after about four or five hours, I turn into a pumpkin.  I get grumpy and snippy.  My children have never spent more than a couple of hours in the car at one time.  It seems I am asking for trouble with this decision.  However, I have spent time in prayer over this and I can't get the idea of driving out of my head.  Each time I consider flying I get a really bad feeling.  I have no idea why I am feeling led to drive, but I do not want to ignore what I am being told.  So please keep me in your prayers on Saturday and Sunday as we undertake this crazy adventure.

She Smelled of Summer

Husband took the little ladies up to visit his parents this morning.  Those grandparents have a pool and a swing set, so the girls love going to play.  I love having them leave to get some quiet time to myself in my own home.  This week I had been trying to make a nap mat for Panda Girl.  She is growing up and needs one for mother's day out.  Today was my perfect opportunity to finish it up.   I was amazed at how quickly I can complete a project when there are no little hands wanting to help (read: drive me crazy while using a machine I do not have complete confidence in using).  It turned out really cute.  She wanted nothing to do with it, but Sweet Pea has had fun playing school with it all afternoon. 

The girls got home after I had finished (hallelujah) and just in time for their naps.  As I was putting Panda Girl in her crib I took a big whiff of her.  She smelled of summer: that intoxicating mix of sunscreen, sweat and chlorine.  On me it smells awful, but on her it smelled magical.  I hugged her extra close and took one more deep breath.  How I love that smell.

As Gretchen Rubin says in her book, The Happiness Project, the days are long but the years are short.  That hit me hard today.  In the near future I won't have toddlers vying for my attention all the time.  They won't be asking to help constantly.  That amazing smell of summer will be replaced by smelly adolescent stench.  While I truly needed and enjoyed my break today, I am aware that this time in their lives is fleeting.  I am thankful I was able to appreciate my sweet little girls today. 

Health and Education

Today I took Panda Girl to the pediatrician.  Today's appointment was to recheck her ears.  Two weeks ago I had hauled a feverish fussy toddler into the office at the end of the day.  As I had thought, she had an ear infection.  Her ear tubes had dislodged a couple of weeks prior to that day, so I had been expecting an infection to take hold.  Today, when Dr. Alex peered into her ears, he was displeased.  After one round of oral antibiotics, she still had an infection.  He gave me two choices: another round of oral antibiotics (which he warned was very unlikely to work) or a series of two shots (administered today and tomorrow).  I dislike shots as much as the next mommy, but I really want this infection gone, so I opted for option two.  He also suggested I put in a call to my trusty ENT to get her in for another set of ear tubes.  She is clearly a child who requires them. 

Earlier this week I wrote our family's first letter to our new Compassion child.  She lives in Honduras.  We chose her because she has the same birthday as Sweet Pea. In her picture she looks small and slightly neglected, which I am certain was the aim of using that particular photo.  She lives with her mom and grandfather.  Neither of the adults she lives with are regularly employed.  We showed Sweet Pea her picture and asked her if there was anything she wanted to know about this little girl.  After being disappointed that this child could not come to her birthday party, she asked the questions I had assumed were coming: What is her favorite food?  What is her favorite animal?  What is her favorite color? 

Today it occurred to me how lucky we are to be able to give Panda Girl the care she needs for her troublesome ears.  There are so many places where she would probably end up with hearing loss due to repeated infections.  She would struggle to speak.  She would have difficulty in school resulting from her lack of language skills and hearing loss.  Panda Girl is my very bright child.  Sweet Pea is smart: asks why incessantly, has a killer memory and is highly observant.  Panda Girl, however, is in a league of her own.  Her father is a Mensa member, and I have no doubt she will end up like him some day.  It breaks my heart to think about how many gifted children there are in the world who can't reach thier incredible potential due to a minor issue that can easily be cured with modern medicine.  Imagine the problems those children could solve for all of us regular joes if given the chance to fulfill their promise. 

While I don't think the little Honduran girl we are sponsoring is a genius, I hope she can grow up to become educated.  I hope she can educate her future family.  We partly chose a girl to sponsor because educated girls beget educated families.  Girls pass on their knowledge to their children.  Hopefully we can help end a familial cycle of poverty.

Change

Tomorrow is Sweet Pea's last day of preschool before it lets out for the summer.  Instead of being excited to leave school behind, she is deeply disappointed.  She loves her "red ladybug" classroom and all her friends.  She adores her teachers, especially Miss Kelly.  I have explained to her that she will get to be in a new class in the fall.  She will get to be a "star" (aka Pre-K).  This concept of moving up grades is totally lost on her.  This is her first experience with it and she is unhappy about it.  If it was up to her she would stay a red ladybug with Miss Kelly and her current class forever. 

Last night as I was attempting to explain all of this moving up business to her, Sweet Pea started to cry.  I hugged her and told her that I understand.  We all have times in life when we don't want to face change.  I was loathe to graduate from college.  I absolutely loved my time at Texas A&M.  When I graduated I was leaving behind my (future) husband, my sister, and my sense of self.  I understood my place in the world in college.  I had no idea who I would be once I graduated.  I longed to stay, but I had to go. 

I would love to say I handled the adjustment with grace and ease.  Sadly, that was not the case.  I was lonely.  I (know now that I) was depressed.  I understood at some level that I needed to mix things up, that I was unhappy.  Some people eat (I did plenty of that: cookie dough out of the tube was my poison).  Some people drink (not really my coping mechanism).  Others find a hobby.  I tend toward this latter group.  I got a puppy.  I consulted no one.  I up and bought a dog one day after work.  While it was very impulsive, getting Ally was an inspired decision.  She has exceeded every expectation I have ever set for her.  She is sweet.  She is good with kids.  She is adorable.  For a brief period, she was my sanity.  She is my Miss Kelly.

Allowing her to be her

Today was Sweet Pea's first official dance recital. She had been looking forward to today for weeks.  It wasn't that she was thrilled to show us what she had learned or that she is a born performer.  Her excitement was due to the costume.  She wanted to put on that frilly pink tutu/dress thing.  She wanted to be allowed to wear makeup.  She wanted to look extra pretty.  In case we were wondering, I think we officially have a girly girl on our hands. 

Husband and my date this week was the first time in a while I had taken the opportunity to dress up.  When I was sick I did not have the energy.  I felt like I had accomplished something when I put on anything I would not wear to the gym.  In general I enjoy dressing up.  There were entire years in elementary school where I wore dresses every day.  Thankfully my mom was happy dressing me as the prissy little girl.  I would have hated her to try to change that about me.

Sweet Pea has always been highly energetic.  She prefers to play with the boys because they play more active games.  She would much rather play a rousing game of chase than sit and color.  I don't really understand that desire in her, but I respect it.  This is why I am often surprised when Sweet Pea wants to dress so girly.  It seems in opposition to her personality.  Girls who enjoy active games should like to dress as a tomboy would dress, in my own head.  Clearly my expectations are inappropriate.  Who says she can't run around the playground with the boys while looking like an adorable little girl?  I think she has found the best of both worlds.  Unfortunately, I worry that this dichotomy will backfire when she hits high school.  I suppose we will just deal with the fallout then.  I refuse to make her dress down when she wants to dress up.  I will do her the same favor my mom did me: allow her to express herself with her attire (as long as it is not inappropriate).  I am certain we will have wars in her teen years around the definition of appropriate.  For now, I am going to enjoy the cute dresses while I can.

Sharing

I feel as if I spend half of my time reminding the little ladies to share.  Many mornings I am tempted to don a black and white striped jersey to make my job as referee official.  Panda Girl, as a second child, is a sharing champion.  There are very few things she objects to sharing with Sweet Pea.  Sweet Pea, on the other hand, is a true first child.  She wants to share nothing with her little sister.  Nothing.  Sadly, this behavior is payback from my own childhood. I too was a true first child in this regard. 

I live with a pack rat.  As a reformed pack rat myself, I understand the internal dialog Husband has regarding his stuff: "What if I need it some day?" or "I may be able to fix this." or "The girls could play with this.".  Living with Husband has cured my need to keep things.  I have learned to let go of any emotional attachment I have to a particular candy dish or an unworn sweater.  It has been liberating to be able to shed our stuff. 

This weekend we had a garage sale.  Several items were sold and we made some real money.  I had multiple huge bags of baby clothes.  Husband and I have already decided that two little ladies are plenty of kiddos for us.  Therefore, it was time to let go of the adorable newborn sleepers my girls wore as babies.  I took out one outfit I really liked from each of them and put the rest out for sale.  Several items did sell, however we still had bags upon bags remaining in our yard at the end of the day.  I was very temped to rifle through those bags and take out a few more choice pieces.  However, I knew where that path would lead: putting all of it back up in the attic to collect dust.  So, before I could change my mind I loaded up the minivan and took it all down the street to the local crisis pregnancy center.

The car was full to overflowing with baby clothes, maternity clothes, blankets, diaper bags, etc.  I wanted those items to be put to good use.  So I chose the pregnancy center.  They counsel women to have their babies and either keep them or put them up for adoption.  They do not advocate or give referrals for abortions.  Since their philosophy fits nicely with my own, I felt comfortable donating our old things to them.  To say the workers were shocked at the volume of stuff I was donating is an understatement.  I was almost ashamed at how much our girls had at an age where they could not possibly appreciate it all.  However, putting that aside it is great to know there are women in need who will benefit from my overspending.  I truly hope they enjoy some of the adorable outfits my girls hardly wore. 

See, there is hope.  First children can learn to share after all.

Mother's Day

What a crazy weekend.  Sweet Pea had her first friend sleepover.  Her friends, ER and AC, spent the night Friday night.  The girls' mom and I were college roommates and had planned a garage sale together.  All three girls slept in Sweet Pea's room together.  She was ecstatic.  She gave them her stuffed animals (so they would feel comfortable).  She even willingly gave up all movie selection privileges to her friends during the garage sale the next day.  I was pleasantly surprised with how much she enjoyed her friends.  It was adorable.  It was also a huge realization that she is growing up more everyday. 

Sunday we got up early.  Husband had arranged for us to attend our local zoo's Sea Lion breakfast.  They had a hot breakfast for us and the sea lions put on a show.  The trainers were on hand to answer questions about their animals.  They were adorable.  It was very fun for all of us.  It was even a cool morning, which is rare around here these days.  After we walked the zoo a while longer Husband dropped me off at home and ventured out to the suburbs to visit his mother.  I had been feeling under the weather all weekend, so I truly enjoyed the quiet time in our home.  Later we went out to dinner with my family.  All in all it was a lovely Mother's Day.  I hope you enjoyed yours as much as I enjoyed mine.

Time

Quick question:  So where, exactly did Spring go?  It seems as it was January, Sweet Pea's birthday, and then I blinked.  Suddenly it is May.  Um, wow.  Sweet Pea only has two more weeks of school.  One of those weeks is short too.  I don't know how this happened.  Is life going to keep passing me by?  Every year is moving faster.  However, the days do not seem any shorter.  Gretchen Rubin has Four Splendid Truths.  My favorite is: The days are long, but the years are short.  I would suggest that each year is shorter than the last.  In some ways the fast pace is comforting.  It helps me realize most issues pass with time.  Waiting things out has become much easier.  Patience is in larger supply. 

Some of you know I want to be trained to be a postpartum doula.  I have decided to wait a year before pursuing my goal.  I want to wait until Panda Girl is in school more so I won't be missing out on this fun time with her.  Sweet Pea is going to start a five day school week next year.  Panda Girl will only attend two days/week.  Thus, leaving me three days per week to have one-on-one time with Panda Girl.  I have never had that much time with her and I am beyond excited.  I know I am going to enjoy our days together immensely and I don't want to miss that.  The following year Panda Girl will be attending three days a week.  I feel as if that is a good time to start training for an interesting new career. 

Being a doula is not at all what I thought I would do with my life.  I had always considered myself to be a "math" or numbers person.  However, I think what I really enjoy is problem solving.  I like to think of new ways to deal with issues.  Since I had a myriad of issues in my early years as a mother, I feel uniquely equipped to help other new moms. 

While I would love to start my training today, I can easily wait until next year.  I know it will come sooner than I realize. 

Rest

Do you ever feel like your life is a constant series of loose ends?  I can't seem to finish anything up lately.  Unfortunately, new priorities keep getting dumped in my lap.  In January or February I decided to have a yard sale.  The original date for the aforementioned sale was April 24.  There was no way I could pull that off with The Great Stomach Ache of 2010 in full swing on that date.  So, it got pushed back to this Saturday.  I still have not sorted through everything, yet there is no way I can postpone this any more.  Sweet Pea has her ballet recital next weekend and preschool is almost done for the year.  Somehow it has already been two months since I had a hair cut (mine is short, thus the need to cut frequently is great).  I can't remember the last time my house had a really good scrubbing, and I don't want to figure it out either.  I know that would just lead to feeling grossed out. 

This past weekend I packed up the little ladies and took them an hour north to visit my parents.  Husband stayed home, ostensibly work on the house.  However, when I called on Saturday he was at a crawfish boil, ahem.  Anyway, it is fun to visit the grandparents and all but it is exhausting.  The first night we were there I may have slept 4 hours, maybe.  I have yet to recover.  I put the little ladies down for naps today and I nestled in to read (shocking, I know).  The next thing I knew I was hearing Panda Girl cry and I was totally confused.  I thought it was morning.  I had slept so soundly that I woke completely disoriented.  A cup of coffee later I am still sluggish.  Sometimes I wonder why I decide to do things that I know will be tiring just before an especially busy week.  Why do I expect to be superwoman?

Anyway, this superwoman is going to spend the evening on the couch and go to bed early.  Hopefully that will give me the energy I need to get through this insane week.  Here's the thing: there are lots of fun things to look forward to this week.  I do not want to be dreading it.  On Friday, Husband and I are having lunch with a development director at the zoo because they want our input on fun activities for those who give charitably.  How can I not look forward to someone wanting MY opinion?  I have always LOVED to give input, even when it is unsolicited and unwelcome.  This guy actually asked us to think about ways to have fun at the zoo.  A sweet college roommate is doing the garage sale with me on Saturday.  Her sweet girls are around the same ages as my little ladies.  Thus, all three of them are spending the night on Friday.  I am so excited.  It is the first slumber party for my girls and I know they will have a blast.  Plus, I get to catch up with one of my favorite people.  Then on Mother's Day, we are going to have breakfast with the sea lions at the zoo.  We get to help feed them and have photos taken with them.  For some people this would be a nightmare, but for me it is pure heaven on Earth.  What a fabulous Mother's Day gift. 

All this to say, I need to rest up so I can truly enjoy what is to come.  I do not want to miss out on any of the fun activities coming my way.  So, I need to go sleep. 

Pondering Panda Girl

Today I am recuperating from my upper endoscopy and trying to start eating gluten-free.  My goal today was to be productive, but not have to exert too much.  I looked at my desk, leaden with paperwork, and saw the preschool enrollment forms I have been ignoring.  I decided today was the perfect opportunity to conquer the mountain.  I signed all the requisite safety forms.  Filled out the directory information for both little ladies.  Then I got to the questionnaire asking specific information about each little lady.  It is extensive.  I filled it out last year for Sweet Pea.  Thus I had spent time last year pondering the intricacies of her personality.  I had explored her idiosyncrasies and dutifully written copious explanations regarding her unique traits.  So, this year I simply filled it out in a similar way with just a few changes based on the ways she has matured.  For example, this year I added Sweet Pea's preference to play with the boys.  I also made sure to emphasize the fact that she will not eat well while at school.  This particular quirk caused her current teachers some concern and I don't want her new teachers to worry about her going hungry. 

However, I had never analyzed Panda Girl in the ways I pondered my first born.  I suppose that is the way we all are with our later children.  Who has the time to spend pouring over every little detail of a second child?  We are too busy keeping her and her older sister alive to have a spare moment for such a luxury.  Today, however, it was necessary that I turn all my focus onto Panda Girl and think about her special little self.  At first the only way I thought to describe her was as happy and easy going.  While these are true statements about her, certainly I could come up with something more insightful?  I thought about how she spends her time.  She loves to dance.  She loves to read.  She learns amazingly fast.  I realized I have a concern about school: I am concerned that she will not get the attention she deserves at school.  She is so happy and so easy I fear she will fade into the background.  Teachers seem to be consumed by those who are not well disciplined or seem to be the loudest.  I pray Panda Girl will get the attention she needs to continue to learn and grow.

In the past I would not have written this worry down on the form.  I would have brushed it off and told myself that I was being unfair to the teachers.  However, today I realized that since she has yet to start school I am simply writing it as a concern.  At this point my concern is not singling anyone out for not taking proper care of my baby.  I allowed myself to realize that my opinion is valid.  I pray her teachers do not think I have overstepped my boundaries.  I pray they understand I am simply a concerned parent.

I must admit it was fun to think about just Panda Girl for a bit.  She is every bit as important to me as her elder, and louder, sister.  I am in awe of her.  She is amazing and I pray she knows that while she has not had the individual attention her sister has enjoyed she is a blessing from above.

Panda Girl is Two!

Today Panda Girl is two.  She is my delight.  She is a sweet child with a contagious smile.  Panda Girl is the happiest child I have ever known.  We went to visit her Nana at the hospital this summer, and she found a way to have fun.  I had no idea how much excitement a hospital chair contained until that day.  She brings more laughter and smiles to our faces than I knew possible.  We are blessed to have her in our home every day.  Panda Girl is incredibly coordinated. She has amazing motor skills. She loves it when we read to her. She taught herself the alphabet. She is bright and sweet.

Her favorite things are, of course, pandas.  Today she got a new stuffed panda, a panda necklace and a panda shirt.  She was thrilled with them all.  She also loves Sesame Street.  She was thrilled with her new Abby, Zoe, Grovers, Cookie Monster, and Big Bird.  She loves chocolate and pizza.  She loves to color and paint.  Her favorite part of the day is bath time.  Sweet Pea is her best friend.  Panda Girl copies her every move, parrots her every word. 

I pray she continues to love us the way she does now.  I will always continue to love her more and more.  She will always bring me joy.  She will always be my baby. 

The Invisible Woman

I have clearly been the invisible woman as of late.  Spring always gets away from me.  I suppose that is why it is nice to slow down during the heat of summer.  The last couple of weeks I have been having some abdominal pain.  At its worst it felt like labor contractions.  The can't stand still or imagine sitting or hardly even breathing type of pain.  It was pain that landed me in the emergency room for some anti-cramping meds, blood work and an x-ray.  The next day I went to my internist and he repeated the blood work and ordered a CT scan.  I had also added on a fever to my laundry list of symptoms.  My doctor could see my pain and was kind enough to prescribe a narcotic pain reliever to help get me through the next few days. 

The next day, the cavalry arrived: my parents.  They took me to my appointments (no driving allowed on narcotics).  They picked up the little ladies from preschool and attended my appointments with me.  Oddly, but thankfully, all of my tests were negative.  He gave me antibiotics since my fever indicated some kind of infection. 

This experience has reminded me how much I value my health.  My doctor had been convinced he would be hospitalizing me when I returned to see him after my tests.  God protected me and my family from that scary experience.  I still have no idea what caused this pain.  It is mostly gone, but not entirely.  It has forced me to slow down this week.  I hate slowing down.  My house is a disaster.  I have not made a single dinner all week.  I have had to rely on Husband to feed the girls, clean the kitchen and look the other way when coming home to this dirty house.  However, at the end of it all we have survived intact.  The girls are in need of a bath.  The floor is in need of a good scrubbing.  We all need a nice healthy dinner soon.  However, we are fine. 

I hope to keep this experience in mind when I am feeling overwhelmed.  Clearly I have been taught a lesson this week by the almighty.  God knew I needed a smack to learn the lesson of slowing down and enjoying my family.  I needed to learn to ask for help.  Husband is not disappointed in me or my efforts this week.  I needed to learn to let go of my unreasonable expectations of myself.   While I would have preferred to miss out on the pain, I would not have consented to slowing down without it.  Thus, I praise God for the experience. 

Call it what it is - parenting!

Why do some women call their husbands babysitters?  I understand that we are our children's primary caretakers.  Trust me, I get it.  However, if the father of your children is giving you a break to go out and have some fun, sans children, why is it sometimes called babysitting?  Do these fathers usually have no responsibilities where the kids are concerned?  I realize that fifty years ago many fathers left all child-rearing to the mothers.  However, haven't we gone beyond that stage in this day and age?  Aren't our husbands simply parenting our kids when we go to a movie for a few hours? 

Sorry to rant, but this has been bothering me lately.  Husband and I share parenting responsibilities.  While I may manage the day to day home, he is out providing what we need.  Those roles are both important.  So, to those women who ask their husbands to babysit, please stop.  Ask them if they are busy, if they have important plans.  If the answer is no, then tell them you are heading out while they parent the kids alone for a few hours.  Then leave the house.  Do not feel guilty.  Do not call 200 times.  Enjoy yourself girlfriend, I guarantee you have earned it.

Snotty

The little ladies and Husband all have some sort of winter cold.  The kind where you are tired, snotty, cranky, and have a constant sore throat.  Did I mention the snot?  Sweet Pea is mostly able to handle her own snot.  She may need a friendly reminder to use a tissue every now and then, but she is mostly self-sufficient.  Panda Girl is not.  She seems to be covered in a thin layer of snot all the time these days.  With her it is difficult to tell if it is a cold or just teething.  I suppose it does not really matter because the end result is the same: snot.

This morning when Sweet Pea woke up and I was hanging out in her room with her, I started thinking about when she was a baby.  I have no idea what brought on this sudden nostalgia, but I indulged myself.  While she was a difficult baby, she was also adorable.  She loved to jump and move.  Then I realized that she is already four.  She is potty trained.  She can eat by herself.  She can dress herself.  She even knows most of her manners.  She is suddenly interested in learning to read.  It has gone quicker than I imagined possible.

Panda Girl is hitting "that" stage.  She will be two in April.  I have been dreading this stage a bit, but I am realizing she will be very different from her big sister.  Panda Girl has a much higher tolerance for frustration and has more self-control than her sister.  Hopefully this will translate into an "easier" kiddo.  Sweet Pea just about killed me at this stage, so I am hoping Panda Girl will go easy on her mommy.  However, I am being careful not to wish the next two years away. I know they will fly by on their own.  At that point all will be able to handle snot by themselves, except for maybe Husband.

Excuses, excuses

I have finished two books that I have not reviewed. I need to get on the stick and get it done. Hopefully I can get on it tomorrow. I am still ruminating over how to review each book. I guess we will see what I come up with soon. Thanks for your patience, this has been a crazy week.

Obedience

Panda Girl is getting close to that age. That age when tantrums become the norm. That age when her favorite word is "no" (and she is talented at yelling it as loudly as possible). That age where my sweetly (mostly) obedient baby turns into a difficult hot mess of a two year old. She is currently 21 months old. While she does say "no" constantly, she is not too tough yet. I am certain that day is coming and it is coming fast.

While I wish my girls were perfectly obedient, they clearly are not. No one is. Especially me. I know what is healthy and what is not. I understand the choices I make are my responsibility and no one else's. However, I continue to disobey. Why have I this need to rebel? I was never an overtly rebellious kid (smart-mouthed, yes). Of course I broke rules and lied about it from time to time. However, on the balance, I was a good kid. So, why do I find myself being rebellious at 33? Why am I still trying to steal moments of satisfaction at the expense of pure joy? I hate it when I annoy myself!

I suppose I am still a work in progress. I guess at some level I will always be the smart-mouthed teenager. However, that also means that my Panda Girl will always be, at some level, my sweetly obedient baby. For that fact, I am grateful.

Accountablility

A couple weeks ago I set forth some resolutions for myself and my family. Today I want to fill you all in on my progress. Like everyone else, I am better at some resolutions than others.

1. Exercise a minimum of 3 days/week, hopefully 4.
I have kept to three days/week. I have yet to make 4. However, I am going to call this a victory so far. Each of my workouts are a minimum of 45 minutes, which is longer than my old standard of half an hour. Overall, I am quite pleased by my progress on this one.

2. Eat Healthy.
Most days I have eaten really well (Sweet Pea's birthday doesn't count, right). I have "automated" two meals a day. I have egg beaters with low fat cheddar cheese and either a banana or double fiber whole grain toast for breakfast. For lunch I have my "big salad". This salad has a couple cups of spinach, berries, no sugar added mandarin oranges, low fat feta cheese, craisins, crunchy onions, avocado chunks and a small amount of poppy seed dressing. I also add a low sodium, precooked chicken breast. If I run out of chicken then I have a turkey roll up using whole grain wraps with flax seed. For my daily snack (between lunch and dinner) I have light, non fat yogurt with blueberries and a graham cracker. This way I only have to make a decision about dinner. It is easier to behave if I don't have to exercise will power all day.

3. Start insisting my little ladies eat the food placed in front of them. No negotiations. No bribing. Basically they are being told, "Eat what is prepared for you and eat it now. Otherwise you will be waiting for the next snack time or meal time.". It has worked so far, I'm hoping it becomes our new normal.
This works for me with the little ladies. Husband is not totally on board yet with this. Hopefully he will continue improving. This early in the year I am happy with any progress.

4. Get a babysitter and go out with Husband and/or friends twice a month.
We had a babysitter on the 9th and went out to dinner with friends. This weekend I am going to Atlanta to celebrate with a friend as she turns 30. So, January has been successful with this resolution.

5. Get some real work done on our house. There is much to do and I need to start.
I am in the process of purging excess junk, er stuff, from our home. While this may not sound like it relates to this resolution, it is my first step. So far I have purged the playroom, Sweet Pea's bedroom and my closet. Tomorrow (while the little ladies are at preschool and Mother's Day Out) I am going to tackle Panda Girl's Room. Once the purging/rearranging of stuff is complete, I am going to have a garage sale. So, if you visit me between now and then please show me some grace with the mess in our guest room. It is currently the dumping ground for the purged items.

6. Go to bed early. My goal is to get up 30 minutes to an hour before the little ladies wake. I think that time to eat breakfast alone will set me up well for the day. Here's the obstacle: I. Hate. Mornings. Hate them. Always have. I think this will be the most challenging resolution. We'll see how long I can manage it.
As I predicted, this has been the most difficult resolution to keep. I have managed to push bedtime up to 10:30 most nights. My goal is 10. At least I have made progress. The mornings we have to be somewhere (preschool, Mops, whatever) I have been up before the little ladies. This has helped me eat my healthy breakfast each morning too. It has transformed my mood these mornings. Instead of feeling rushed and grumpy, I have been calm and enjoyed my little ladies. (The mornings we don't have to be somewhere have always been pretty good around here.)

I have been happy with my resolutions thus far. It is coincidental that a friend suggested we read The Happiness Project right now. It fits in well with what I am trying to accomplish. It is organized by month, and I am up to August. Once I have finished it, look for a review here. I hope all of you are keeping up with your resolutions. Try to keep yourself accountable if you really want to succeed.

Are you sure Sweet Pea is turning 4?

Today is Sweet Pea's birthday. Four years ago today she entered the world and I have never been the same. My labor with her was complicated. She was eight days late. I had to be induced. After she was born, the NICU team rushed her out of the room to suction her to ensure she didn't get a lung infection from the meconium she passed in utero. Soon the neonatalogist was back in the room telling me how pretty my new baby looked. While that was a sweet compliment, I was much more interested in her health. I was a first time mom and I had not even seen my baby yet. He quickly assured me everything was fine. Finally, Husband walked in holding her. He brought her to me and I was in awe of her.

Bringing her into the world was difficult, painful and amazing. She has taught me more than any teacher ever did in school. She has taught me a new way to love. She inspires me to become a better person so that she can live up to her full potential. She is extremely empathetic. She becomes genuinely concerned when anyone is hurt or upset. She loves other kids. She has a way of quickly befriending sweet little boys who fall for those beautiful browns as she bats her lashes. She is busy. She enjoys anything active. She seems to believe that it is crazy to walk when you can run, since running is much more fun. She loves to laugh and be silly. She adores her baby sister. She gets so excited when Panda Girl is willing to play with her. It is enough to warm this mommy's heart. She is affectionate. She loves to hug us and makes sure we hug her often.

I am starting to see that she is an extraordinary individual. I can see her being a wonderful caretaker someday. I have no idea what she will become as an adult. I am very excited to see. However, I can wait. These last four years have flown by too fast. I am still in denial that she is going to be four (I accidentally bought her a candle that had the number three on it). I just hope she knows that I am proud of her and I love her fiercely.

Happy Birthday Sweet Pea!