Today I have been thinking about this past year. I suppose it is natural to look back on New Year's Eve. I have so much to be thankful for in 2009. The little ladies are flourishing. They are getting to ages where they can play well with each other. Panda Girl is becoming more independent with each passing day. Sweet Pea is turning into a very sweet little girl. For these, and many other reasons, I smile when I think of this year.

However, this was not an easy year. A year ago I was living in misery. Panda Girl was still struggling to sleep at night and Sweet Pea was refusing to potty train. I had no time to myself. Panda Girl refused to take a bottle or sippy cup. I was literally unable to take a break. It seemed every time I tried to get out for even an hour, Panda Girl would start to melt down. That, in turn, caused me to melt down internally.

In January I decided to start exercising. I was exhausted and frustrated. I hoped getting more active would help with stress relief and help with my energy level. While that was a good idea in theory, in practice there were some issues. When I am nursing my metabolism slows down. Thus, I decided the exercise was necessary. However, that caused my milk supply to diminish. The diminishing milk supply caused Panda Girl to wake up more in the night since she was thirsty. That, in turn, made me tired. So, I was stuck in a catch-22. I don't even like that book.
Life got a little easier in April. I weaned Panda Girl (which caused her to start sleeping through the night) and potty trained Sweet Pea. I was expecting to start feeling much better. However, there was not much improvement. I got more and more frustrated. Finally, as I have written before, the light came on at the end of the tunnel in August.

This year I have learned so much about myself. I am much tougher than I realized. I am stubborn and am bad about asking for help. I repress my feelings when something is really bothering me. It turns out I am very good at hiding my emotions from those I love. So, I am planning to use this knowledge to help me this year. I will ask for help and take time for myself. I will make myself a priority. I have no idea what 2010 holds for me, but I am ready for it. I have faith I will come out the other side healthy and happy.