Depression vs. Relationships

I have tried to be honest about my experiences with depression.  I don't mind people asking me questions.  I welcome questions because it shows the other person is concerned.  I realize my forthrightness can make some people uncomfortable.  While discomfort is never my goal, I don't try to glaze over my struggles for the sake of someone else's comfort level.  That would not be honest of me.  Honesty is a high priority since it was so lacking for so long in my life.  I do not want to go back to that awful place again.  Staying honest with myself and those around me is one way I can stay accountable. 

Depression always takes a toll on relationships.  Withdrawal is a huge symptom for many, including myself.  Many people do not realize how difficult it is to be a friend during depression.  I struggled to leave my house.  I just wanted to sit on the couch or sleep.  Then, I would be critical of myself.  I would berate myself for my laziness.  However, I was also exhausted.  I could not get enough sleep.  I could have slept for 12 hours a day and still been tired.  All this made reaching out impossible for me.  I could not even talk to Husband about everything.  There was no way I was going to admit my inadequacies to people who were not required by law to listen to my whining.  Sadly, there were very few who reached out to me.  Some friends had no idea I was struggling.  I was able to put on a happy face when in a social situation.  Some friends knew and withdrew for their own reasons.  Still others had their own huge struggles.

Looking back I learned whom I could trust.  I learned that there is no person that can fill all my needs.  I expected Husband to come to my rescue.  Others disappointed me by not solving all my problems for me.  I finally woke up and realized that only God can meet my needs.  Husband is only human.  My friends are flawed and have their own very busy lives.  I still love them all, I just view our relationships a bit differently.  I believe I was allowed to struggle in order to bring me back into the fold.  I needed my world rocked in a profound way in order to learn to rely only on Him.  He is the one I want to take care of me.  Now I am ready to let Him.