Make New Friends, But Keep The Old...

I have always prided myself on being a person who will try her hardest in any and every endeavour. I have never been the smartest, prettiest, or kindest person in the world. I have, however, always tried to be a good friend, a good wife and a good parent.

Today we are off to meet Sweet Pea's new classmates. As I mentioned before, she starts preschool on Monday. A couple of nicely proactive parents have arranged a play date at a local pool for all the kiddos to meet. I have no doubt that Sweet Pea and even Panda Girl will leave with new friends. In general, they are happy and well-adjusted. Both make friends quickly. I, however, am lacking this confidence in myself. For those who know me well, it is no secret that I have struggled mightily the last couple of years. Particularly in the last year I have turned inward and not had the desire to get out and socialize. Thankfully I kept the little ladies' activities a priority or I probably would have rarely left the house. Every invitation to get out and do something fun felt like a chore. Thankfully, in the last month or so we have learned the culprit of my melancholy. Post-partum depression. Sigh. I plan to discuss this a bit more in the future. I think it is important to be open and honest about it. My case was anything but textbook. Anyway, I digress.

All of this is to say that I am really nervous about meeting all these moms today. In my head all these women have beautiful, well put together homes. They aren't battling their weight. They have house cleaners and nannies that allow them to get out on a regular basis to pursue their own interests. They are everything I am not right now. While I realize this image is unrealistic at best, it still plagues me. As the overweight, depressed, brain dead mommy I fear their disapproval. I don't want to be the person they whisper about behind my back. I understand that all of this assumes they will think anything about me at all. Let's face it, that's a pretty self-centered attitude. However, I am still learning how to turn those thoughts off.

So, for the sake of my sanity, I am going to take a leap of faith. Who knows, maybe I will make a new friend. Thus, I will stand up straight, take a deep breath, and walk in looking confident. Yeah, I don't really believe that either. At least I am willing to try.